Integral Christianity

Why I dropped out. How I am finding my way back.

I left Christianity in my late teens. I was a good student in the sciences, which made a lot of sense to me, although the “inability” to prove the existence of God was not the cause of my drift away. I never really thought about that.

I heard in my church that I had to have a “personal relationship with Christ,” but try as I might through prayer, nothing happened. I had no communication with Jesus; I could not pick up any magical signals I could interpret as advice or direction or even “Hi there.” Lacking an emotional or spiritual connection with God, I took the majority of the ethical and moral teachings and moved on to a secular lifestyle. I left quietly without rancor. I had no philosophical or science-based reasons for leaving. I did, from time to time, have surprisingly strong feelings of guilt that I had violated religious laws that my Traditional self recalled that sometimes would scare me in the middle of the night. But the next day, those feelings disappeared, and I moved on.

Questions

From the Rational, Modern, Orange worldview that I was developing in college, I could ask questions about the teachings of my traditional, mythic/literal church, the only church I knew. But then I remembered the church could not give adequate answers to these questions, questions like:

• Why did the church ignore my questions?

• How could a profoundly revolutionary movement be so subverted by rich, corrupt ministers and financial supporters living lives so antithetical to Jesus?

• How could Christianity so thoroughly suppress women and their role in the church?

• Why can’t Christian churches speak to those of us who have grown past a mythic-literal (taking the myth literally) interpretation of scripture?

• Why don’t churches provide more mature interpretations of their teachings for people as they grow through stages of life?

I could find nothing on the Christian horizon that led to answers. I did not know what I was looking for and could find no guides. I had to have something that made sense to me. The literal/mythical faith that worked well in childhood did not make sense to me in adulthood.

In my 40s, I joined my wife’s Catholic Church. The Priest was open-minded, good-hearted, nonjudgmental, and welcoming. He attracted a warm and diverse community to the parish, and I felt good about being a member. I attended the classes to become Catholic. While they did not emphasize the literal/mythical viewpoint, there was no deep discussion about the logic or purpose of the liturgy (or if there was, it made no impression on me). No new perspectives seemed available. I was busy with my career and family, so little happened spiritually for me for a couple decades. (In retrospect: Wow.)

Then the priest abuse scandal occurred—not involving our beloved Father Paul—and I could not abide the church’s response. I left. I read about Buddhism, which at least spoke to me as an adult and provided sensible, psychologically sound guidance for mature, ethical behavior. This wisdom was largely absent in Christian teaching in mainline churches.

Next, I discovered my Unitarian Universalist Church (UUC), of which I’ve been a member for 12 years. I was still working when I joined, and it filled my need for an ethical and moral “base of operations” for my soul. At that point in my Orange and Green stage of development, I was focused mainly on the exterior material realm, working for more fairness and institutional warmth to the employees and customers of our public transit system. UUC was an excellent sideline activity.

After retiring, I got serious about the general area of faith or spiritual development. Because the church had little programming in this area, I began a “spiritual reading group” that continues today. Six years ago, I discovered Integral Theory, human development theories, and a few “Faith Development” models.

Now, we were cooking! Now, I had the theoretical framework to understand my earlier years of religious education, and the education I had discounted now made sense developmentally. More importantly, I now had a map showing where I had been and what lay ahead in cognitive, emotional, moral, ethical, and spiritual development.

Include and Transcend

One of the most valuable and liberating lessons of Integral Theory is the instruction that we Include and Transcend each stage of development as we pass through it. Because of this:

• I did not have to reject or rebel against the former faith or beliefs I once held. I could appreciate them for the role they once played in my development. More importantly, I could have my new views and still love the people in my life who hold different views. This “gracious, spacious, and compassionate embrace”¹ of differences was challenging and liberating. Unfortunately, no developmental perspective in Christian churches alerted me to new worldviews available when the mythic/literal worldview began to wobble. (UUC did not help me with this either. Integral theory and developmental awareness is not part of any UU thinking I know.)

• I can develop a mystical sense of divinity and let go of the earlier magical feeling that I had to have personal conversations and experiences that did not happen for me. The mystical sense I’m beginning to develop involves “glimpses of understanding” that occur from time to time and resonate with a sense of God pervading me and all of us, the physical world, and all life. The evolutionary worldview of Integral gives me the framework for seeing the world as a developmental unfolding of how the world works and fits together.

• I can continue to cherish those earlier feelings and emotional connections that include the qualities of warmth, security, and compassion while also holding on to my utter appreciation for the scientific wonders and explanations of creation. Holding mythical and scientific meaning at the same time is not a betrayal of either for me. This is the genius of both/and thinking.

A Faith Development Model

Getting to this point results from life experience, trial and error, heartbreak, and therapy. Brian McLaren describes² a four-stage model of faith development that fits my experience.

1. Simplicity. This normal early stage of religious awareness exhibits binary, right-and-wrong thinking. It is the natural starting point for children and continues to work for many adults. I remember this stage when I got my bearings on good and evil and heaven and hell. But the fires of damnation occupied way too much of my childhood psyche (and I could not reconcile them with my idea of a loving God). In the Spiral Dynamics values development color scheme³, Simplicity is roughly equivalent to the Red Warrior and Blue Traditional stages, where there is no ambiguity.

2. Complexity. This is when things get more complex, but they are still binary. The complication is that we begin to include more ideas, views, situations, and values in our calculations. This is where we complicate moral questions like stealing with the dilemma of stealing a drug we can’t afford to save our child’s life. As we grow and mature, we see that additional personal interests and ethical layers make these decisions increasingly complex. At the same time, we still try to boil the questions down to binary choices. This is the modern, rational Orange stage.

3. Perplexity. This is when our binary systems of making sense and meaning break down from too many intersecting vectors. We often need help. We don’t know what to do. Old sources, such as the Bible, often offer ambiguous guidance. Today, we might come to one conclusion, but tomorrow, something different. Certainty is gone! Many of us want to return to simpler times, but now, if we talk with our old minister, his wisdom is insufficient. Perplexity is lonely! It is the Green, postmodern stage. Everyone has their point of view, and it is chaotic.

4. Harmony. A new kind of Faith shows up. It’s not the magical kind of getting your prayers answered. It’s a new, subtle kind that fosters openness to mystery and experience, does not dwell on right and wrong, and strives to grow as we learn to trust what God and our experience tell us. (I’m just beginning to understand the Harmony stage. I will post updates.)

A Possible New “Integral Christianity”⁴

• Developmental Awareness: Understanding faith and spirituality as evolving processes that can grow and deepen. This is obviously different than the ultimate question: Do you believe in God?

• Integration of Multiple Perspectives: Combining insights from traditional, modern, postmodern, and Integral viewpoints. Not only does our perspective evolve, but it includes earlier perspectives. Each stage becomes more “sufficient,” able to address the more complex and difficult challenges we face as we mature. The ultimate question—and answer—was once important, but now it is the beginning of a dialogue.

• Holistic Spirituality: Emphasizing personal spiritual practice and experience, like prayer, meditation, and serendipitous revelations of divinity in nature, art, music, animals, children, friends, and so on.

• Inclusivity and Diversity: Accepting a broad range of beliefs and practices and including interfaith dialogue and cooperation in solving human problems.

• Emphasis on Transformation: Focused on personal and social transformation, aiming to cultivate a more just and compassionate world.

Authors like Richard Rohr, Ken Wilber, Cynthia Bourgeault, Brian McLaren, Jim Finley, Marcus Borg, Teilhard de Chardin, Diana Butler Bass, and others are my “ministers” in this church. None of these authors exclude me because of my vast human fallibilities or my acceptance of evolution or science⁵.

I thought that Unitarian Universalism was the church that would allow me space for a “free and responsible search for truth and meaning.” Alas, the church is transforming into a social justice institution. This language—”truth and meaning”—will disappear from its list of principles when they are revised this year.

In addition to the hyperfocus and energy being devoted to social justice, a Church with a wide-angle lens (many faiths and no faith) view of spirituality cannot also go deep. I have only gotten a lukewarm interest in a deep dive into Christianity. I think I need to go where there is more fertile ground.

Thich Nhat Hanh said we need to find our teachers (Yes!), find our practice (Yes!), and find our community for a spiritual life. I’m stuck on the last one just now.

1. The whole quote is: "Everybody is right. More specifically, everybody — including me — has some important pieces of truth, and all of those pieces need to be honored, cherished, and included in a more gracious, spacious, and compassionate embrace." ~ Ken Wilber 

2. Do I Stay Christian? Brian McLaren, Ch 21.

3. Red consciousness is about power and survival. It sees the world as a contest of strength and domination—“winning” is what matters.

Blue consciousness seeks order, discipline, and shared moral codes. It values loyalty and clarity over individual freedom and creativity.

Orange consciousness drives progress through innovation, achievement, and individual success—but it can mistake policies and procedures for fairness and trust.

Green consciousness values inclusion, empathy, and equality, but in its zeal to right wrongs, it can become moralistic and demanding—replicating the rigidity of earlier stages it hoped to transcend.

4. This outline is inspired by the answer I got from ChatGPT when I asked what post-postmodern Christianity might look like. I have made some changes to fit my experience, but the AI-generated outline was a good starting point.

5. Most important has been my wife who has wisely supported me and asked good questions at the right time, reminding me that my spiritual practice and looking within are reliable places to look and listen.